I lOVE YOU & ALL OF YOUR SH*T ...
Let's talk about the "fix it" mentality for a minute and why we see it as an issue.
If you follow us on Instagram at TickleTrunkClub you will have seen our latest post.
The post says
"Show me all the parts of you that you do not love, so I can know where to start"
Every woman In a room would melt- every man would want to be that man.
It's beautiful, yes
But it our opinion- not sustainable...
We are following up on this today because this topic is ever too real.
To love someone and all their beauty- pain anguish, trauma- all the baggage...
It is a skill...
To love someone well, you must love them where they are, and also love them where they are not ...
When you love someone who has a lot of healing to do, the desire to alleviate your lovers pain can be overpowering.
Being a witness to: self-sabotage, destructive insecurities, past pains or any unpleasant sentiments that our loved is experiencing, often makes us want to save them.
We come galloping in on our mighty horses. Hoisting them up as we speed away. Shielding them with our buckler, in hopes that this will make a difference.
At first, it may feel like does.
But when too much weight has been resting on one partners shoulders for too long, any relationship is bound to feel the burden.
Most partners mean well.
But you can't do the heavy lifting for someone else.
Unfortunately, both partners have a responsibility in this unhealthy predicament.
And sometimes, that's the hardest thing to accept- it cannot work if you're not working on your own shit.
Relationships grow, shift, evolve.
We, as individuals do the same.
It is our responsibility to address the issues that we carry.
Look at ourselves in the most lovingly way possible and admit to ourselves that we have to do the heavy lifting to improve- it's not our partners job!
What the heck does this have to do with intimacy you ask.
Intimacy isn't just something that magically happens between the sheets, or something that is sustained by phenomenal blow jobs and over the moon make out sessions.
Intimacy doesn't maintain an entire relationship on its own.
It takes partners that are willing to work on themselves.
Self-improvement is the key
It takes commitment to your own self first and foremost before you can give as much in a relationship.
Like we've said before
It takes hard work!
What can you do if you love someone who is struggling?
1-you can be an attentive listener
2-you can encourage them to confide in you
3- you can encourage them to seek therapy ( there is no shame in therapy!)
4-you can offer encouragement and support in their positive choices
5- you can express and share things that have helped you in the past
6-you can offer them validation
What you cannot do:
1-You cannot fix their sh*t
2-You cannot make them feel better inside
3-You cannot alter your entire person to alleviate their anxiety
And the hardest one of all
YOU CANNOT MAKE THEM WANT TO FIX THEIR SH*T!
Support and communication is a Biggy in a relationship
But don't forget that not everything weighs solely on one person's shoulders
If you want to have the best relationship
Work on working on yourself, first...
It will make every effort worth it in the long run.
Love your partners where they're at.
Allow them to go at their own pace, but it's remember, not your place to fix them
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